


Expectations Hurt

by InsaneJuliann



Series: Better Run, Better Run [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann
Summary: Eddie encourages Buck to trust the team like he has Eddie. They're going to have Buck's back. Buck wants to believe that's true. He wants these people he considers in the quiet corners of his mind to be his family to love him despite everything.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Better Run, Better Run [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795057
Comments: 43
Kudos: 242





	Expectations Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'm alive, but it's been a ROUGH past couple months so. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy (and if you're waiting on Evolution, that should be out soon, too.)

“You know, you could tell the team.”

Buck glanced up from the book he was reading - trying to figure out what the hell they were doing with math these days so he could actually be helpful with Chris’ homework sometimes - and frowned at Eddie. He wasn’t looking at Buck, was still chopping fruit or whatever at the counter. 

“What?”

Eddie cast him a brief look, amused. He raised a brow. 

Buck just frowned at him. 

Grinning, Eddie turned back to the fruit. “You could tell the team that you’re a Halfbreed.”

“No.” It popped out before Buck even thought about it, immediate and certain.

“They’re not going to judge you, Buck,” Eddie said, quiet and gentle.

“Oh sure. They’ll be completely understanding that my mom’s a hunter, and I knew they weren’t human this whole time but didn’t say anything. I’m sure they’ll not feel like there’s anything to worry about.”

“Buck, seriously. Just tell them that you’re a half-wolf who can’t shift. You don’t need to share your life’s history.”

“Except I do,” Buck insisted, setting the book aside and getting to his feet. He couldn’t help the agitated feeling buzzing through him, that made him feel like he had to  _ move _ . He dragged a hand through his hair. “Because they’ll wanna know why I didn’t say anything before, or why I don’t smell like a werewolf or whatever. And so I’ll have to say that I’m cursed because my dad married-”

“You’re not cursed.”

Buck scoffed, couldn’t stop it, even though he was sure at some point he was going to make Eddie snap from frustration. It was just - just because Eddie didn’t  _ want  _ it to be true didn’t make it untrue. He was always going to let down his family, to disappoint them. 

And what was the 118 if not his family in all the ways that mattered?

Buck didn’t want this to be another thing the curse ruined for him.

“Look,” Eddie said after a very long and heavy moment. He was quieter, but no less certain. Buck glanced away when Eddie came over to place a hand on his shoulder, but Eddie ducked his head to catch his eyes. “I really think you can trust them with this. They all care about you, Buck. And if someone  _ does _ have a problem with it, I’ve got your back. Always.”

Eddie looked so earnest and concerned. And… maybe he was right. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Buck, he supposed, didn’t have to tell them everything. He didn’t have to admit that he had known what they all were from the start. If he was vague enough… if Eddie didn’t tell them - and Buck didn’t think he would - then maybe….

“Fine,” he said quietly. “I’m supposed to go to Bobby and Athena’s for dinner tomorrow. I’ll… I’ll talk to them, then. Should probably let him know first, right?”

Eddie’s smile was wide and proud; it made Buck want to squirm a bit. “Yeah. You want me to-”

“No,” Buck said, shaking his head quickly. “No, I don’t - it’s Bobby and Athena. Just. Uh. For the others….”

“I’ll be there.”

Smiling, Buck thanked him quietly. Eddie gave his shoulder a final squeeze before going back to the counter, and Buck went back to the book. He couldn’t focus, though; he kept thinking over and over about what he’d say to Bobby tomorrow.

~*~*~

Buck couldn’t help fidgeting a bit as he sat at the dinner table. Athena cast him a few assessing looks, but she didn’t comment about it. He kept running through what he’d thought about saying, but it seemed so  _ stupid _ now, in front of them. How did he even bring it up? All awkward and official, like “Bobby, Athena, I have something to tell you”? All casual, just slipping it in like “By the way, I’m technically not human, please pass the salt”?

“You okay Buck?” Bobby eyed him uneasily.

Swallowing thickly, Buck nodded. “Yeah,” he said, almost too fast. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Bobby was leaning closer, eyes narrowed and that deep furrow between his brow. It made the hair on the back of Buck’s neck prickle, even though he knew Bobby was just concerned after everything, and who wouldn’t be? He’d been crushed under a truck  _ and _ caught in a tsunami. He was always in some sort of trouble these days, of course Bobby didn’t believe him.

He just nodded, focusing back on his plate. He didn’t need to look up to know that Bobby and Athena were probably doing that thing couples always did, exchanging looks that held a whole conversation.

Bobby cleared his throat. “How are you? Health wise.”

“Fine, I guess.” He took a deep breath and looked up, offering a wry smile. “Eddie keeps treating me like I’m made of glass, which I’d be more annoyed about if he didn’t have Chris in on it. Can’t be mad at that kid. Especially when he brings out the puppy eyes, you know?”

“Uh-”

Buck barreled ahead, heart in his throat. “Sometimes literally. Can’t stay annoyed when faced with a gangly ball of fluff.”

Bobby stared at him. Buck stared back.

“Something you want to tell me, Buck?” Bobby asked, voice - too even. It didn’t match the slightly wide and panicked look in his eyes.

It hurt.

Buck opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shut it, swallowed, and glanced at Athena. She was looking between him and Bobby, lips pressed just the slightest bit tightly.

“You’re not a werewolf,” Bobby prompted, voice sure. “So how do you know that? And what else do you know.”

Buck breathed in, and it shook a little. His heart was racing, felt like a thrumming vibration in his chest, and he felt - cold and flushed all at once.

“I….” He cast another look towards Athena. She met his eyes for a moment, frowning slightly, before looking at Bobby.

“Bobby, maybe this isn’t-”

“Did Eddie tell you?”

Buck shook his head. Bobby only looked worse at that, and asked again about how Buck knew and all he could think was -

“My mom… taught me.”

Bobby raised a brow. He was sitting back in his seat, arms crossed, and Buck had never felt more terrified of him than he did right then. 

Not when Bobby had been yelling and storming forward on a rooftop while still more a stranger than not. Not when he’d slammed Buck against a wall after Buck got nosy about his little journal. 

Buck couldn’t look at either of them, not the worry on Athena’s face or the  _ fear _ mixing with something like anger on Bobby’s. Not when he confessed, “My mom was - is a hunter.”

He heard Athena draw in a sharp breath, and he hurried out, “I’m not - I never-” His tongue tripped over the words. “I wouldn’t, I couldn’t - and Dad wasn’t, he’s a werewolf, but I’m cursed and-”

“Buck.” Bobby’s voice was too calm. “Are you saying you know about the rest of the team? That you know how to identify and harm them?”

“I…” He trailed off, eyes wide. Bobby’s expression was - closed off and Buck hated it. He couldn’t tell what Bobby was thinking, what he wanted from Buck. “Yes,” he whispered.

“And you didn’t think it important to let anyone know?”

“I - I didn’t think it… mattered. I’m just-”

“It  _ matters _ because of  _ trust _ .”

It felt like a slap to the face.

Athena let out a sigh, shaking her head and getting up from the table, muttering.

Buck shoved back from the table, ignoring Athena’s call after him, the sound of Bobby’s chair being pushed back. He slammed the door behind him as he stumbled through, putting on a burst of speed for his jeep. 

He didn’t remember much of the drive to Eddie’s. He definitely didn’t remember stumbling inside, but suddenly Eddie was in front of him, grabbing at his arms and worried.

“Buck? What’s wrong?”

Everything. 

“You were wrong,” he mumbled, lips feeling numb. He shook his head, before dropping it down onto Eddie’s shoulder. “You were wrong.”

~*~*~

Buck woke up when Chris wiggled into the bed next to him.

His eyes felt gritty and dry. Chris’ nose was cold and damp when it bumped into his jaw, then his cheek. A wet little tongue followed.

Carefully Buck slipped an arm around him, dragging his fingers through Chris’ fur. It was soothing, especially when Chris somehow squirmed even closer and rested his jaw over Buck’s chest. 

He kind of zoned out, not really thinking about anything, just stroking through Chris’ fur and enjoying the cuddles. He startled a bit when Eddie knocked his knuckles into the door frame, smiling at them. 

“Little late to call it breakfast, but I got some food ready.”

Buck waited while Chris wiggled his way back off the bed and shifted. He grabbed his crutches from the edge of the bed and hurried past Eddie to get dressed, grinning up at his dad as he went. Buck watched them both for a moment before he sat up, avoiding Eddie’s eyes. 

Eddie had convinced Buck to sleep in his bed last night. With him. Not that it had taken too much convincing honestly - Buck had just been so hurt and exhausted and…. It had felt nice, to share space with someone, to not feel so  _ alone _ . 

To feel trusted. 

He didn’t look up even when Eddie came to stand in front of him. His fingers slid through Buck’s hair, around to the back of his head, and he gently guided it forward. Buck’s head rested against Eddie’s ribs, warm through the thin shirt he was wearing, moving easily as Eddie breathed. Soothing.

Buck took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Eddie’s fingers kept stroking through his hair; he didn’t say anything, just waited until Buck pulled away and opened his eyes. Eddie’s hand settled around his neck, a light pressure that was reassuring, honestly. Buck wouldn’t have thought it would be - he’d always associated the move before with his dad grabbing Maddie and even Buck sometimes by that spot to give them a shake during a lecture. But when Eddie did it… it was different. 

Honestly, Buck couldn’t imagine Eddie ever grabbing anyone, let alone  _ his son _ , and giving them a shake like that. Maybe that was the difference. He knew Eddie wouldn’t use it like Buck’s dad had, knew it down into the marrow of his bones. 

Eddie was safe.

“Your phone’s been buzzing all morning,” Eddie said after a moment of them looking at each other.

Grimacing, Buck shifted out of Eddie’s space, getting up from the bed and digging a shirt out of the drawer that Eddie had set aside for all the stuff Buck kept forgetting and leaving behind here. He was sure a lot of it was Bobby - probably some Athena, maybe Maddie - and Buck didn’t want to face that. Not yet.

He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up, shouldn’t have forgotten that the curse always found some way to have him disappoint his family - apparently even people he only  _ considered _ family. Which sucked.

It meant that one day, somehow, he was going to disappoint Eddie and Chris. 

Buck wasn’t sure anything would ever hurt worse than that.

Because if Buck losing Chris during the tsunami hadn’t done it… whatever did, it would have to be pretty fucking terrible. Buck just hoped it didn’t mean either of them being hurt.

“Hey.” Eddie caught his arm as Buck went to walk by him, out of the room. “I’ve got your back, man. You know that. If Bobby’s got an issue with it, then he can deal with  _ both _ of us.”

Buck didn’t deserve Eddie.

They all settled at the table, Chris practically beaming when Buck sat next to him. Eddie could actually make eggs pretty well, and the bacon was only a little burnt, so they basically made some breakfast burritos and ate. Buck ignored his phone buzzing periodically on the kitchen counter. Eddie was watching him and Buck was sure that soon Eddie was going to make him talk about it. Even Chris was looking from the counter to Buck with a slight frown.

Buck tried avoiding it a bit longer by going to wash the dishes in the sink. Eddie sent Chris into the living room to watch movies.

Eddie leaned against the counter next to the sink. Buck could feel his eyes on him, could see Eddie’s arms crossed from the corner of his eye (tried not to notice that too much).

“Just because Bobby reacted badly doesn’t mean everyone else will. We all know Bobby’s got issues.”

“They’ll follow Bobby’s lead-”

“Are we talking about the same crew here?” Eddie sounded amused. “I don’t see Hen letting anyone make her act any way she doesn’t want to act. And you know Maddie would tear Chim a new one if he treated you badly.”

“I don’t want to become an issue between them.” Buck shook his head sharply. 

Besides, he knew how it would go. Maddie loved him, she looked out for and took care of him… but they’d spent most of their childhood learning to keep the peace, to stay quiet and out of disagreements that didn’t involve them. If Chim and Buck had something going on, Maddie would maybe speak up, but… she’d know it was the curse, and that there was nothing they could do about it.

“You’re not going to,” Eddie said, shaking his head sharply. “Buck… they’re not going to hate you. They’re not going to -” He paused, heaved a sigh, and waited for Buck to finally glance at him to continue. “They might be upset you didn’t say anything. But it’s not going to be because they don’t trust you, it’s going to be because you felt like you had to  _ hide _ from them. It’s going to be from concern, not anger with you. Trust me.”

Buck wondered if he was imagining the unspoken reminder of how Eddie had reacted. How the anger hadn’t been at Buck, precisely, but at… how Buck had grown up, how what should have been his family and his dad had called him a mongrel all his life. Not even accounting for the curse, because Eddie insisted it wasn’t real even though it was.

And Hen was a werewolf, too. Buck… had a hard time imagining she’d react any less angry about the mongrel thing than Eddie had. Sure there was the chance she would, but it was - really hard to think of it as a real one.

Hen was just - it was  _ Hen _ . She’d had Buck’s back since the start, really. 

He swallowed. “You’ll come with me?”

“Yes.” Eddie had his incredibly serious, determined face on. Both his hands landed on Buck’s shoulders and he leaned in, tipping his chin down a bit so he was looking up as he met Buck’s eyes. “I’ll be right there with you, I will have your back, and I will let them all have it if they’re going to be assholes about this. I  _ promise _ .”

“Thanks,” Buck croaked.

Eddie gave him a lopsided smile. “It’s what pack is for.”

Buck followed Eddie to work on his next shift.

Even after he parked, Buck was contemplating just - driving away again. He hadn’t answered any of Bobby’s calls or texts, hadn’t even been able to look at them. He was sure at this point he’d missed a call or message from Maddie in the past two days, too, which meant that she was going to be annoyed.

And fuck, he should have thought of it sooner, but - what if she hadn’t told Chim? What if she didn’t  _ want _ Chimney to know?

Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck - _

There was a knock on his window. Buck startled, only to relax a bit when he realized it was just Eddie. Eddie raised a brow, but otherwise just stood there patiently, staring back at Buck.

Buck sighed, pulled his key out, and unbuckled. Eddie stepped back just enough so the door could open, only to step back up into his space as soon Buck closed it. He wasn’t quite cornering Buck against the door but….

“It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be right there with you.”

“I should have talked to Maddie,” Buck muttered, feeling miserable.

Probably the curse again - another way he’ll have disappointed family, the one blood family member that he actually considered his real family. 

“I really doubt she hasn’t already talked to Chim about this, at least a bit. And if she hasn’t, she would have had to eventually. And you know what - it’s also  _ your _ life, Buck, and you’re allowed to talk to your friends about it.”

Buck swallowed. Shrugging, he looked away from Eddie - from the fire in his eyes and the set of his jaw - and muttered, “Let’s get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit,” Eddie said, almost painfully dry. It would have made Buck laugh at any other time, if he wasn’t feeling so tangled up and miserable.

And… and scared. He could admit it, to himself at least. He wasn’t just worried, he was scared of how they might react. If they’d hate him, reject him. And if they all did, maybe… maybe Eddie would realize that he’d been wrong. 

Eddie reached up and squeezed the back of Buck’s neck briefly before they stepped inside, before walking in ahead of Buck. It barely drew anyone’s attention. Once Hen saw him, she grinned and came to wrap him in one of her hugs, encompassing and  _ safe _ feeling and -

Buck resisted the urge to grab onto her desperately. She didn’t know, it wouldn’t be fair of him to take when she was probably not going to want to give it to him anymore in a bit.

She let go, easing back just a bit to grab him by the shoulders. She ducked her head a little, catching his eyes. There was a pinch between her brows; she was openly worried when she asked, “You okay Buckaroo?”

He didn’t want to lose this.

He looked at Eddie, who was watching back with an almost unnoticed frown on his face. Eddie nodded though when he caught Buck’s gaze, steady and reassuring.

“I. I uh. Wanted to talk. To you - and Chim.”

“Okay,” Hen said, still with the slight frown and worry. “Everything okay?”

Buck shrugged. He really didn’t know how to answer that.

They stepped into the locker room, Eddie making himself look busy putting his stuff into his locker, changing his shirt. Buck sat on the bench, almost jerking farther away when Hen sat next to him. Chim leaned against the lockers, arms crossed, looking Buck over critically.

“You look rough, man. What’s going on?”

Buck floundered, heart in his throat, and looked helplessly at Eddie. Eddie, who was still steadily looking busy at his locker. 

Looking busy, but paying attention closely. 

Buck sucked in a breath. It wasn’t steady, but it helped a little.

“I. I uh… need to tell you guys something.”

He couldn’t meet their looks, so he stared down between his feet, at the floor - gray, a small crack visible in a faint white line. 

“I - I haven’t told you, and I should have, I’m sorry. I - I didn’t mean to… to lie, I just. I didn’t think it mattered, but-”

“Buck,” Eddie cut in, quiet. Buck looked up and Eddie seemed unbearably calm. He just gave him a reassuring, steady stare.

Buck took another deep breath and looked down again. He twisted his hands together between his knees, almost tight enough to hurt. His nails bit into his skin even with how short he kept them.

“My dad’s a werewolf, and my mom’s a hunter,” he choked out. “I can’t shift though. And I’m cursed.”

“You’re not cursed,” Eddie said, predictably. His voice was tight, almost short, and he was probably getting pretty annoyed with Buck about that. 

“Cursed?” Chimney asked.

Buck nodded, even as Eddie said, “He’s not cursed.”

“Why do you think you’re cursed?” Hen asked.

He glanced at her sideways. She still had the same worried frown on her face, head turned to watch him.

“I was born cursed. Mom said it was a witch paid off by someone in my dad’s pack, and Dad says it was an unlucky star. It’s - it’s why I’m like this.”

“...Like what?” Chim said, sounding baffled. 

“Why I can’t shift. And why I wasn’t good enough for - I’m a disappointment, always.”

They were all quiet. Buck glanced between them all, from Hen’s deepened frown to Chim’s look of almost comic confusion, to Eddie’s expected frown. 

“That makes no sense,” Chim said, breaking the quiet. “That - that’s not how magic works.”

“You can’t know how all magic works,” Buck pointed out, sighing.

“Yeah, sure, but if follows  _ basic rules _ Buck. You can’t just curse someone to… what even does that  _ mean _ , you’re a disappointment. Buck, man, you’re a fucking fantastic firefighter, that’s not a disappointment.”

“I only disappoint family.” He grimaced. “Or, I mean, family and people I think of as family.”

“Buck. No, that’s not-”

“See,” Eddie cut in. “Chim would know, and I’ve been telling you, no curse could control your ability to shift, Buck.”

“You can’t know that.”

“But I could,” Chimney insisted. “And there’s no magic that powerful in the world, Buck. It can’t change you on that kind of fundamental level. Sure, there’s other things that could inhibit the ability, I guess, but - a curse can’t do what you’re trying to say it did.”

“Look, Maddie can tell you-”

“Wait,  _ she  _ believes you’re curs-”

“And it’s already worked on Bobby-”

“What?” Hen asked, but Buck just shook his head, pushing to his feet as Chim kept trying to tell him it wasn’t real, and Eddie was giving him a pointed look, and Hen was trying to ask him about Bobby and -

“What’s going on in here?” 

Speak of the devil and all that.

Bobby was in the doorway, a deep frown on his face. Disappointed as he looked at each of them. “You three do realize you’re on the clock, right?”

“Team meeting,” Eddie said, stepping forward so he was half a step in front of Buck. His voice wasn’t - it wasn’t rude, precisely, but Buck thought it definitely sounded cold. Not the kind of tone one should take with their supervisor or anything.

Bobby glanced at Buck, still frowning. “Right. I don’t think this is the time for it though.”

Hen was looking between the three of them. Buck shifted uneasily as her gaze landed on him, too knowing and understanding. 

He wanted to leave. He needed to edge around Bobby to leave. 

He didn’t like the way he felt… trapped. Cornered.

Chimney straightened up, clapping his hands together loudly. “Right. Anyone hungry? Bobby, you make anything for us to chow down on yet?”

Buck waited until Chim had somehow hustled Bobby and Eddie towards the stairs, before letting out a breath.

Hen’s hand on his back startled him. She gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“Don’t mistake Bobby’s own issues for an issue with you,” she advised. “And thank you, for trusting us enough to tell us.” She paused a moment, clearly thinking over her words, before continuing. “You know we don’t care, right? Human, non-shifting wolf, cursed or not… We still love you, Buck.”

He swallowed, felt a lump grow in his throat and swallowed again before he managed to rustle up a probably lousy attempt at his usual grin and confidence. “Yeah, of course.”

She hummed, that note she made when she didn’t believe you but wasn’t planning to really call you out on it yet.

“So long as you know that,” she said. Her hand moved up to his shoulder, near his neck, and she gave a light squeeze and shake. “For what it’s worth, Buck, I don’t think you could get rid of us all even if you tried.”

He gave a thin smile, not wanting to say the ‘wanna bet’ that sprung to mind when she was just trying to be nice. 

“Go on,” she said after a moment, smiling a bit more. “Run off if you plan to, before Chim fails at distracting those two any longer.”

Buck huffed a laugh, a slightly more honest smile relaxing the one before. He muttered a thanks before jogging out of the station and for his car.

It looked like, at least for a while, the curse wasn’t going to make him lose the others.


End file.
